SOLD

poems by the river charcoal and pastel on paper 18x24 2005

i've got something in my heart that won't quit

it is an irregular beat but when i am making art it is silent and i try to live for the moment and create not pieces that people will love but make pieces that i will love

SOLD

i'm over-reacting. acrylic on paper 18x24. 2005

if i could stop dancing

i might get more work done

i did a little work today

hope you like it.........i am planning to keep busy working the rest of the week.... so stay tuned.

collage glue paper and ink. 5x5.5 2005 

why be gloomy

when you can listen to belle & sebastian

andre transgendered #1 charcoal and pastel on paper 18x24 2004 

finding a replacement for jason

whether you like it or not i need one, i need someoone to come over and visit me that is not interested in having sex with and that will just socialize and drink and be more fucked up than me. i hate trying to meet people.

mary mother of god on the nod. 18x24 1994

THIS WAS MY BEgining

self portrait 

today i took charge

so i sent 4 samples of my drawings to phillips gallery in salt lake the most prestigious one in utah. it was a step i had to take because i think my drawings are that good. and if i don't get in there then i will resort to plan B and get them into somewhere.

i am back on random play

hit or miss enjoy your show. i am listening to my 3200 songs at random and it is always a pleasure. sometimes that is a grunt listening to a song that i don't want to but what is there to want anymore. i have everything i wanted, except for the paranoia to be gone. today when i got back from the store this neighbor that lives in the apt next to me which i have only seen only one time before because he never leaves as well as me. everytime i go out his newspapers are stacked by his door (a few days worth) so today i see him and he is just standing there looking at me, him in his bathrobe thank god it wasn't open, so i said hello and he just stood there looking at me like i was some kind of freak. if he would have said something like you smell or your a drunk and we are trying to get rid of you i could've found a way to handle that. but just to stare.........what a fuck

alex's young love # charcoal on paper 18x24. 2004 

alex # 2 charcoal and pastel on paper. 18x24 2004 

and i forgot

the other day when i spent so much time in bed i had this wonderful dream that me, matt and michelle were bicycling around this city and even though we weren't biking together we kept ending up at the same mediterranean markets and restaurants. of course i being the hero in the dream was tracking a terrorist and then my dream took a turn and i road my bike through a field of cactus and got tons of spikes in my tires but they didn't go flat. i awoke.

today maybe i'll get something done.

i got all my music problems worked out and now have a vast collection to add to my own, it is great when you have friends to take care of your needs. so i have made myself a goal to start working on some new drawings next week, i think i can do it at last. i have all of the supplies and if i can't do that i can work on some smaller collages i have the supplies for that as well. so you all can look forward to that.
i was able to get out of the apartment today and it wasn't as challenging as yesterday. my sister took me shopping to wal mart. i had to buy groceries and they carry a vast selection of vegetarian food products that you can't find at the other stores and i am on a serious budget otherwise i wouldn't shop there.
it was good to get out and by the time we got back the rain had stopped so i trecked it down to the liquor store and am now drinking bloody mary's horray for me.

still quiet

this week i have been really depressed and have had a really hard time staying out of bed. i have been sleeping alot and not eating. it truly has been difficult. today i finally made it out of bed at 9:30. and actully fixed some coffee and went out to the grocer to buy some food. it caused me to feel a little better. i got a great package from matt and michelle on monday full of goodies, that was actually my best day of the week. full of books, music, and pillows, but because i got so depressed i haven't actully enjoyed any of the reading and i am trying to get the music in my player but there is a problem so i am still working on that. that is my week thus far. a little unhappy.

self portrait 4/1/05  

i've been quiet

so i slipped into a little depression on wednesday and thursday was much worse. and this morning was difficult but i am a survivor and i keep going on and now i feel fine, i wouldn't say i was smiling but i am relaxed and back ready to get into my work and discover myself again. that is what my work is all about some sort of theraputic climax that takes me into heaven there is nothing like looking on a completed drawing and seeing a bliss that nothing on earth can take away. today i woke up with the idea that i would go back to bed after a few hours and sleep the rest of the day away but i can't after all there are all those beatiful men out there to capture and create them into my ideal