so i had a crazy drink filled weekend and now today again i am partaking. yesterday was recovery and i slept all day and all night only up for a few cigs. i had many crazy and fucked up dreams in all of my sleep yesterday. one i was in a flood trying to cross the street and i slipped and fell over in it.
i didn't want to get out of bed today and wouldn't have except that i had therapy at 9am finally dragged my ass out and made coffee and 7am i had to leave by 8 and had to organize my dishes and soak some. i think every dish in my cupboard was dirty. tried to call my sister cause i wanted to print out my resume but discovered my phone battery was dead.
so the walk to therapy was a struggle i am out of batteries for my walkman. and my ativan i had taken before i left hadn't kicked in yet. i felt hungover even though i didn't drink on monday, but mostly just afraid to be out of bed.i felt dissheveld. it didn't help that my timberlands have seen their day and so i dug from my closet a pair of sketchers that i only wore a few times. they look new. but the soles are to heavy for me to feel comfortable in i quess i will get used to them but i don't think today was the day
so i arrived at therapy only to find out that they had been calling all day yesterday because dr. edelman would not be in only i didn't get any calls cause the battery had died. all that stress of walking for nothing. of course had i known that i might not have pulled myself from the bed only to sleep another day.
so i walked by my sisters and she wasn't home.
my feet hurt by the time i got back home and i started to clean my apt. it always surprises me how little time it takes to get it to a point that i feel better about it. after a binge my place turns into chaos and i get so down looking at it that it is too overwhelming to start. so i usually just stay in bed to avoid the guilt of drinking.
so after that it was already time for the liquor store to open so i dug my hushpuppies (white and black) out of the closet because i remember that they were the most comfortable shoes i had owned and i didn't care that they were extrememly loud white with black. but of course they had not been worn for so long they weren't nearly as comfortable as i had remembered. but i made it there and back
and so all of that brings me to the point where i am now drinking coffee and having shots of liquor. and i hope i can survive this day of anxiety
MARble
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